Well shit Mom!!

So best friend comes over and gets me outta bed the other day. I shower, get dressed, pack my shit for a sleep over, and finally get out of the house. Betty White (best friend's bug) is out of commission currently so he had his mom's car. It was time to go pick her up from work in the next town over, about a 30 minute drive. So I throw my shit in the back (or so i thought...) and hop in the front. I notice a slight stench and say "Something smells funk." But we continue on and I don't think much more of it. We're havin' a great time, laughin' and listening to techno raver music much too loud (UNTZ, UNTZ, UNTZ, etc....) while chain smoking in a line of cars waiting to pick up their children, who are starting to pour out of an elementary school. (yeah, we're bad ass' influencing your youth. Smoking is cool, can it really be denied?) Best Friend says "YEAH! WE'RE HERE TO SELL YOUR KIDS ECSTASY!" Laughter ensues. Suddenly the stench returns with a vengeance. Best friend says it's me and I reply with "OH NO YOU DI'NT!" while beginning to smell my clothes and body. I come out of the smelling contest innocent. We continue driving while trying to find the origin of the putrid smell for about 20 minutes, me continuing to defend my un-smellyness. I finally find the general area of the odor, and it's in the passenger foot space. I smell my purse, which is at my feet. No. I smell a pair of shoes chillen down there. Not that. I smell an umbrella also at my feet. Nope. I take off my shoe and smell inside it. Not coming from there. Now its been about a half an hour of laughing and searching for the rancid stench. Then i notice a smear of mud in the foot area. "Is that poo?" Bron asks. "Is what poo?" Best friend responds. "That!" as I point at the little smudge mark. "You probably stepped in shit." Best friend jokes, and as we both laugh I lift up my foot and say "Nuh uh! Loo...." and on the bottom of my shoe..... a huge chunk of just that. Hysteria of full fledged belly laughs erupt as i struggle to get out the words "pu...HAHAHA....pull...HAHAHAHAHAHA.... pull.... HAHAHAHAHAH.... over... HAHAHAHA" We finally see a gas station and I get out and rub my shoe on the curb. I can't help but laugh even harder as a huge chunk of shit is left on the curb and people are starting to stare. (refer to picture below) Best Friend throws the umbrella out the car door, and as he does so we realize quickly that there are fair sized chunks of shit all over the passenger foot area, because the umbrella throwing caused these chunks to fly all over the car. We look at the mat, and what i thought were chunks of mud earlier, I immediately realize are actually chunks of poo from my shoe all over the mat. Now, this isn't some old piece of crap car (though at this moment, it was full of it). This is Best Friend's mother's $40,000 Audi. Who enjoys a clean, non-smelly, NON POO FILLED, $40,000 Audi. "Shit," I think, quite appropriately. So the laugh fest goes on as I clean out the car 'till there's no remnants of poo to be seen. Whew, mother-finding-poo-in-expensive-car crisis averted. I swear Best Friend to secrecy, and we head to pick her up. She decides she wants to drive, and takes the same route we took earlier. Nothing out of the ordinary really, it's the quickest way back home. Best Friend keeps giving me looks from the passenger seat as i try not to laugh from the back. (I know, we're like 12 year olds.) Then suddenly, a slight detour. To a freakishly familiar looking gas station. BF's mom wants to buy some smokes, and happens to stop at the gas station we were just at. I'm trying so hard not to laugh while the irony of the situation is starting to hit me. As BF's mom gets out, she says "Ick. It's smelly out here!" I hold a ridiculously large burst of laughter in as well as i can till she enters the store, then roaring explodes from the Audi. "Of all the gas stations, she stops HERE?!" I say between laughs. I have no idea how shit like this always happens to us, but somehow, it does.

(Actual picture of crime scene)